Life

Hello Lovelies,



Sorry, I know it's been awhile and you probably thought I died, or fell of the face of the Earth, or I don't even want to know what you thought haha, but I am here!  And I am sorry for the long wait, but I hope it will be worth it!  So!  How is everyone doing?  I hope everyone is doing well!  My life is as busy, chaotic, crazy, and wackado as ever; but I hope your lives are all going swimmingly!  I am here today to remind you that I am still here, I haven't abandoned you, but life did get in the way a little.

I want to be real with you all, my lovely readers.  I am going to share with you something that very few people outside of my inner circle know, and I hope you'll be kind, but I want you to understand why I sometimes take a bit of a leave of absence and leave you wondering where in the world is Carmen San Diego(please tell me you get that reference!).  So, without further ado: I suffer from depression.  I have suffered on and off for the last 12 years.  I am recently in therapy for it, but that still doesn't mean I have my life figured out.  I am still learning.  I am still growing.  And recently, things at work, things with my therapist, and just life in general, have gotten a little crazy.  And I've been suffering some pretty bad bouts of depression because of those changes.  I felt like I had no right to be here, talking with all your lovely selves, when I can't even keep my own life under control.  Who am I to try and be inspirational when I can't manage to keep myself inspired?  Tons of self destructive thoughts came at me and I couldn't tackle them, and you, unfortunately, suffered as a side effect of my depression.  I would like to think that I am getting back on track and I am getting back to a place of peace and serenity, having regained some of the confidence that I lost when I first started this blog!  So, I don't want to get into my depression and use this as a place to let it out, because this is supposed to be inspiring, and well, talk of depression is the exact opposite.  So, all I want to say is: please, hang in there.  I may go away at times, because my depression gets the better of me, but I will come back.  I just need some time to recuperate and get back to being the person that you all deserve.  And if anyone out there also suffers from depression, I absolutely know where you're at, so feel free to message me and say you need to talk.  I am always here for you my lovely readers.  I hope you know that even though I may be going through a tough time, that doesn't mean I'm not still here for you if you need me.  Just reach out, and I'll be there!  So, I strongly encourage anyone that might be battling with depression to get the help they need, and know that there are plenty of people out there that are fighting the same demons as you.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.  I hide my depression because I don't want people to look at me differently.  But, once I let it out, I wear it as armor, because then it can't be used against me.

Let's Do This!

Hello Lovelies,



Did you miss me?  I know it's been a little, but I hope all is well!  So, today I wanted to talk about life, and jobs, and general craziness.  I don't know if it's something in the water or what, but I mean, really and truly everyone I know is talking about how much they hate their job lately.  And it's wackado that it's like everyone complaining! So today, I really wanted to talk to you guys about what to do with your life, I guess.  Like when you hate your job, what do you do?  Personally, I feel like if you're not happy, you spend probably the majority of your time at work, so if you're not happy, just leave.  Make your life a smidgeon better, maybe eons better, it depends on how unhappy you are, but you know, do something about it, don't just tolerate it and let it slowly eat at you.  That's just miserable for everyone.

Career Goals

Hello Lovelies,



I know, I know, it's been forever since I last wrote, I apologize.  I have been having a lot of chaos happening both at work and in my personal life and things have gotten away from me.  I hope that things are going well for you though!  So, before any of you ask, things are potentially better, but I'm not really sure yet, there's still a lot of stuff up in the air!  Today, I want to talk about career goals and ambitions.

Try Something New

Hello Lovelies,



Happy Friday!  I have kind of a quirky post today, I'd like to talk about hobbies.  I know you're probably like, "wait what?  Hobbies?"  Yes, hobbies.  So, as you all know, I've moved recently.  And with moving comes finding new things to do, new places to go, new things to see!  It's all very exciting, and yet slightly boring.  You see, when you're new, there's so much potential, but you're probably a little shy, and you don't yet know where to go and what to do and what to see.  So it can almost seem like you should just be a shut in all day.  But, I am here to say that I have reached the point that I don't want to be a shut in!  My lovely husband, Jordan, and I have been talking, and we think we can see ourselves settling down here in the state of Washington.  I love the water and the forests and he loves the water and the fact that Seattle is in our backyard.  So, we've been talking about it and I brought up that we should start having some hobbies, because hobbies are what makes you new friends, gets you and about, just makes you excited about life!  He's all on board and totally gung-ho, so we're going to try some new hobbies as well as get back to our old hobbies.

Find Your Truth

Hello Lovelies,



I wanted to do a quick check in, say hi, prove to you that I will be better about posting again(post-moving to our new house), and hopefully still be inspiring and uplifting!  So, I wanted to talk about quotes today.  I have a love affair with quotes.  Like seriously, I wonder sometimes how many of my thoughts are actually my thoughts, and how many are quotes and thoughts of other people stitched together to make my "thought".  I think everyone is full of bits and pieces of quotes, song lyrics, idioms, etc, of other people.  It's only natural.  They, and by "they" I mean the big wigs of the scientific community, say we become like the three or five people we spend most of our time with, so there must be some truth being quotes and saying and song lyrics stitched together.

Life Happens

Hello Lovelies,

I just wanted to give a quick heads up, let you know that I'm not dead!  I know it's been awhile, but well, there's been some chaos in the last few weeks that took precedence over writing.  What started as stressful enough of a time because of a move, has turned into a giant stress ball.  So, I'm trying to find the positives, and I'm trying to keep thinking positively, and know that everything is going to turn out the way it's supposed to, but that's been really hard these last few weeks.

Intention

Hello lovelies,

Welcome back :) I'm so glad you're here!  I know there was a bit of a delay in getting this next post out, but, that's life; things come up, chaos erupts, and next thing you know, it's been days since your first post.  So, my apologies for the oh-so-overdue post, but here goes!

Since I last wrote in and talked to all of you, I'd been frustrated with my job, feeling like maybe it wasn't really for me, maybe I didn't belong in the industry I've chosen to get back into, and other things.  I was very much on the entrepreneurship train!  And I still am on that train, absolutely, however, I've also had some other things hop on board with me, that have me thinking about my future, and what that may in fact look like.  So, getting to the title of this post, intention, I set an intention through a Facebook group of women that are all about making your dreams happen and making your life the success story you want it to be.  I wrote in on the day we were talking about manifesting our dreams, and I happened to write that "I want" to get a job that makes me happy and that leaves time for me to spend with my fur child, because, whether anyone understands it or not, I feel like Daisy is my child, and I want to spend as much time with her as possible.

I read a quote a long time ago that said "dogs have such short lives, and they spend most of it waiting for us to get home".  That really hit home for me.  I love Daisy, and she is my child, and I know that I didn't do amazing things with her when she was a pup, but I'd like to think I'm helping make up for that now.  So, when I read that, it really struck a nerve, but then came the day that really broke my heart.  I read another quote.  If you haven't already guessed by now, quotes are HUGE for me; prepare yourself to get an influx of inspiration and thought provoking quotations in your memory banks.  This other quote was something along the lines of how we, as humans, have work, have friends, have TV, have all kinds of things that make up our lives, but for our dogs, we are their life.  They don't have a job to go to, they don't get to see their friends, unless we humans take them out, they don't have TV to entertain themselves, they have fetch and other interactive games that involve US, their humans.  So when I stopped and thought about life from my dogs perspective, I realized that I was failing as a mom.  I wasn't giving her the love and attention and freedom that she deserved.  In came the change.  I was fortunate enough to be working part time at this point, when I read these quotes, and I said to myself, no more.  I was no longer going to be one of those people that had a dog as a pet, not a dog as a family member.  I started taking her out on even longer walks, I started taking her anywhere I could when I drove around.  If I went to get gas, she came too.  If I went to the pet store to buy her food, she went too.  If I went to the beach, she went too.  Anywhere I went that she could go, she came.  I started thinking about her more as my child, and less as my pet, and that was really when things started changing.

I didn't realize it until I got a job after moving that involved more hours and a longer commute, so that time with my Daisy was suddenly almost non-existent, that I wanted that time with my Diddle.  She is my child.  People work part time hours when they have little kids; they want to be home with their kids or be there for sports events or other things.  I wanted to be there for Daisy.  I wanted to be there to take her for walks, to take her to explore these new places, to take her to really experience life, like she deserves.  I know that I'm not doing a great job, she doesn't go kayaking or surfing or other crazy stuff that people do with their dogs, but I'm doing the best that I can where I am.  Maybe in another few years we'll be kayaking with her or doing stand up paddle boarding with her, who knows!  But for now, I felt like I was abandoning her, and failing her as a mom.  So, I kept applying for jobs with fewer hours so that I could have more time with her.

I realized that I'd rather cut back on my living expenses(have a cheaper house, not go out to eat as much, not buy designer purses, etc) and have time for the important stuff, and still be able to make ends meet working part time, than have all of those extra perks and less time with Daisy.  Like I said, I didn't realize it at the time, but things started changing when I started treating Daisy like a child, instead of like a dog.  My entire perspective about work, and what it meant to work as an adult, shifted.  I realized I didn't have to work 40 hour weeks.  Just because that's what most people do, doesn't mean that's what I have to do.  Once I realized that, I felt insanely liberated.  When I realized that I could just shift my life goals to, instead of buying a bigger house or nicer things, to working as few hours as possible while still being able to make ends meet, I was ready to do that.  I don't mind working, and I'd even gladly work from home, but the long hours at work, plus a commute, oh no, that was not going to fly.

I've always considered myself an odd duck, and once I realized that I was going against the grain of society in saying, I want to work as few hours as possible, so that I have maximum time with Daisy, while still being able to not be insanely bored or broke, and therefore homeless, I felt like I was excited for my future again.  My future was no longer, "what career am I going to have that will fill up my days", it became, "what job can I do part time that will pay enough".  That, ladies and gentlemen, was like jumping in a pool on a hot summer day; suddenly life was open and exciting again.  I felt like a little kid, when you know the world is your oyster, but you don't REALLY know what that means...you know the feeling!  Yeah, I felt like that again.  I could do whatever I wanted, because it wasn't going to necessarily be a career!  How many part time workers do you know that have a career in what they're doing part time?  Probably not many.  Part time work isn't your career, it's part time, it can't be.  So that stress was instantly gone.

So, again, back to the title, sorry, I got a little side tracked there :) (it happens hehe).  I posted that "manifestation" on Facebook after having gone to an interview for a more part time position at a different company before work(and mind you, no commute time with that job either), and then going to training for a solid 8 hour day, plus a 30 minute commute each way, yayyyyy....totally part time hours...not!  As I was going to lunch, I checked my phone and saw that I had a comment back from one of the leaders of the group, and she said that instead of saying "I want", I should say, "I am"(i.e.: I AM going to get a job I want that allows me to spend more time with Daisy).  So I mentally amended my manifestation and made a mental note that I trusted the universe would do whatever was right for me.  I went through the rest of my day and the next day not really thinking about my manifestation, I was trusting in the universe.  Then, on the day after my interview, as I am on my way home from training, again, I get a phone call from the more part time company offering me the job.  I was BEYOND excited!  I was going to take a slight dip in pay, but I was suddenly going to have an extra 15-20 hours a week with my baby!  I was absolutely, hands down, ecstatic!  I immediately wrote back to the group leader on Facebook and told her what had happened, and she wasn't surprised in the least.  And that was when I knew, these ladies were the real deal.  They are solidly in my favorites group on Facebook, that I want to see what they have to say.  I already knew that setting intentions worked, I'd been told that by other people in the past.  I had done it before, where I changed my thoughts from what was going wrong in life, to what I "knew" was going to happen, and sure enough, each time, when I sent my positive thoughts to what I wanted to happen, it happened.  I am a firm believer in intention setting now, and I strongly urge you to try it!  I know that it sounds cheesy and new-agey, but give it a go, what do you have to lose!?

Honestly, intention setting is just like riding a horse, hopefully at least some of you will understand this haha.  When you ride a horse, they tell you to look where you want the horse to go, because most new riders look at the horse, not at the trail or wherever they're riding, so your horse will then just wander.  However, the minute you look up, and you look where you want your horse to go, the horse goes there!  The first time I was on a horse, I was absolutely looking down at the horse, I mean, come on, it's a horse, they're adorable!  So my horse kept wandering wherever, and I was having to constantly redirect her.  Once the instructor told me to look where I wanted the horse to go, I did, and BAM, the horse walked straight that direction, no problems, no more directing necessary.  I was absolutely shocked!  And intention setting is the same way!  If you don't have any intentions set, you're just going through life, accepting whatever comes your way; but, if you set intentions, you are telling life where you're going, not the other way around.

So, I challenge you, my lovely reader, tomorrow morning, set the intention that "today is going to be a good day", as soon as you get up.  Don't wait around and let the day decide for you whether it's a good day or not, you TELL that day that it's going to be a good one.  See if it makes a difference or not.  I bet it will!  And then, or if you already do that, set bigger intentions!  Come on!  Let's go big or go home!  Set some intentions and let the universe work WITH you to make them happen!

If you want a great book to read about this whole intention setting business, I HIGHLY recommend The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, it's an amazing read, well worth your time, and it's all about how this young boy spends his life wanting more than what he has, but being afraid he can't get it, suffering setbacks, and then realizing once he sets his intention, the universe conspires on his behalf to make it happen.  There's a fun little extra bit about life and how things circle around that you'll probably enjoy too.

All in all, I mean it guys, set intentions, be bold, be brave, tell the universe, you ARE going to have the life you want!  What do you have to lose?  Let's give it a go!  From one exceptionally grateful mom(and a very grateful pup as well) to you, I promise, you won't be disappointed :)

Xoxo

Kona