I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving- maybe even watched one of my recommended Thanksgiving movies...hmm? Okay, you didn't have to watch one of the movies, but, the fact that yesterday was Thanksgiving is what has me here today, writing to your lovely selves...it's Black Friday.
Now, personally, I am not, nor have I ever been a black Friday shopper. I grew up with a mother that loathes shopping, so we certainly never went as kids, because she didn't go. And then I got a job in retail, so I was working the front lines of black Friday. Eventually I left retail, but I was a teller at a bank. So again, I was working when everyone else was out having brunch after having scored their favorite deals. And here I am this year, sitting in Phoenix, AZ, where it certainly doesn't feel like the start of the holiday season, experiencing my third black Friday off...ever. And where do I find myself this black Friday? Home. Now, you may be wondering, what does this have to do with anything? Where is she going with this? Well, sit back, relax, have a sip of tea, light a candle, maybe throw a blanket across your lap or toss another log on the fire, because away we go!
We're going to start with the basics, and I'll expand on each as we go, but so you don't think I'm going too non-nonsensical, I'll give you an outline:
1-I'm Swedish & a Hufflepuff
2-I have never participated in Black Friday
3-Keep it simple
Got it? Feeling prepped? Good, I knew that would clear things up for you.
1- I'm Swedish & a Hufflepuff
To start with, Swedes are an amazing people. I mean, who doesn't love Ikea? And as though that weren't enough, the Swedes have amazing values and traditions. Now, I do have to preface by saying that my parents brought up myself and my two older brothers in a pretty traditionally American home. I didn't know I was Swedish until one of my brother's did some family charting on Ancestry.com and found our roots while I was in high school. Now, I sat on this information for years, but a year or so ago, I started to become curious about what Sweden was all about.
Now, I promise these dots will connect, but I also happen to be a proud Hufflepuff - which I'd gotten super into while living in Vancouver, WA. As you'll know if you've been around this here blog for awhile, I have lived with what's called "major depression", and it was a HUGE problem while I was living in the grand ole Pacific Northwest. Coincidentally, being here in Phoenix, it's not such a problem, but that's a conversation for another day. But, for those of you that don't know the first about being a Hufflepuff, being a Hufflepuff is:
Friendship bracelets. Detailed scrapbooks. Comfort. Warm hugs. Fluffy socks. Clothes that are still warm from the dryer. Having that one special mug. Scented candles. The last dying embers of a fire. Bright flowers in pretty jars. Cuddly toy collections. Hand-knitted jumpers and scarves. Fairy lights. Disney movie marathons. Cheesy love songs. Freshly baked cookies. Hot cocoa. Photo collages. Polaroid cameras. Offering people food. Contagious laughter. The color yellow.
And after finding all of this, and more that we don't need to get into here, I realized, holy crap, I'm totally a Hufflepuff!
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| Image credit: Tumblr Harry Potter Moodboards |
Now, coincidentally, while I was living in Vancouver, a coworker of mine shared that she was Swedish, and that she grew up with a lot of the traditional Swedish values and holiday traditions in place. With that, I began my descent into all things Swedish, curious as I remembered, "oh, yeah, I'm Swedish too". I started with the basics: a Pinterest search that revealed DIY projects galore. An Instagram account followed that showed the beauty of a simple lifestyle or a good fika (a kind of coffee and pastry break), etc, etc. But shortly after moving to Phoenix, I read the book Lagom: The Swedish Art of Living a Balanced, Happy Life by Niki Brantmark-linked here to Amazon should you feel so inclined to purchase. And my outlook changed. Lagom is the art of having "just enough". Now, this is similar in idea to "hygge", which is a Danish concept for a mood of all things cozy and comfortable, that has taken off here in the States(and is Hufflepuff to the max). But lagom is a little different. Lagom is about finding beauty in an almost minimalist lifestyle, which I certainly do. I'm by no means a minimalist, I'm too Hufflepuff for that, but I did embrace living in a tiny home, because I just didn't need the stuff that the United States tells people they need.
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| Image Credit: Pretty Little Ivy |
Unlike my peers, I didn't need or want the minimum of 2,000 square foot house, the two SUV's that cost more than ever before, the job climbing the corporate ladder, or the 2 kids, 1 dog, and white picket fence. I didn't need or want it. I wanted a small farm. I wanted a max of 1,000 square feet to live in. I wanted a small, reliable car, along with a bike so that I could bike wherever I might need rather than driving. I wanted room to breathe. I wanted nature. I wanted freedom. I didn't want a fresh start, that's what everyone thinks they want. But there's nothing easy about starting over...take it from the woman that's lived in four states in five years. What I wanted was freedom-freedom to not have to look for another job as we moved. Freedom to not have to apartment hunt again. Freedom to have whatever pets we wanted, rather than what the apartment complex dictated.
All of this goes to say, I was starting on my path to lagom, and I didn't even realize it. The thing that stuck out to me the most from the book was a blurb about what you choose to live with and how it affects you, and pardon me as I attempt to rehash it from memory, rather than pulling the book out and quoting it directly. But Brantmark described how Americans are consumed by their stuff. All of your possessions are possessing you. The more you have, the less any of it means to you. You get caught up in this rat race, keeping up with the Jones's, where you can't have just one T.V. in the living room, you need one in each room, because that's what the Jones's do. And your SUV that's just two years old is now passe compared to the new cars that come with one new, must-have, feature. And as you consume more, that consumerism drives you to hoard and consume more, which in turn, makes everything replaceable....and by the nature of the beast, unimportant.
Compare this to the lagom way of living: the only things you have in your house are things that either serve a purpose or make you happy. Suddenly you don't have things, you have memories, you have joy, and you have purpose with every item in your home. You're allowed to have things, just because they make you happy, but don't let it blindly consume you to where you're buying new things left and right. I made it a rule, that for every item of clothing I purchased, I threw one out. And somehow, with each new shirt or skirt or set of pants purchased, I was able to donate something. There is always something that no longer serves me, that I can donate, that allows me to continue to grow and become the person I'm looking to be, while simultaneously giving back. We become so attached to our things, but if you really pause, and really reflect, you'll remember they're just things. And if you really don't feel like an item is just a thing, that it is special, well, then you've found the art of lagom. You'll be amazed when you can look at your mugs and say, "well I really only like and use this one", and then donate all six of the rest to charity. Just like that, you're finding lagom-just enough. And lagom applies to everything! It applies to your wardrobe, not just how big your wardrobe is, but what you wear. It applies to your job, and how you do it. It applies to your mode of transportation and how often you go out. It's a lifestyle, not just a mood. I'll encourage you to read the book if you want to know more, because it's really not terribly long, but very informative. And if you're anything like me, you might just read it and realize, holy crap, I'm Swedish!
2- I've never participated in Black Friday
Alright, this one is significantly shorter of a blurb. I was there when the rush of people arrived at Kmart, needing to push and shove people to grab that video game, or that camera, or to get in line for that TV. I was also there ringing people up for hundred's of dollars spent in a span of an hour. It was all a little garish to me...though mildly impressive at how large of a tab people managed to ring up.
I've thought about participating the way a family member described black Friday: a morning to get up early, meet your girlfriends in line and then shop for the "rush" of the deals, then go hang out at Starbucks and have a congratulatory coffee and pastry for a job well done. And while that doesn't sound too terrible, I have enough anxiety, and scarring from working those early morning shifts, to not want to battle some middle-aged lady for a $3 scarf...that I probably don't need.
If you're a black Friday participant, by all means, do what you do! I just know, for myself, I'm not brave enough. I'd rather sleep in and have a nice relaxing day at home decorating for Christmas. But alas, this brings me to my final point.
We're going to rewind a few weeks, maybe a month or so, and give you some backstory here.
My husband and I live in Phoenix, AZ. Literally all of our immediate family lives within two hours of the Bay Area of California. This means we have to drive for approximately 12 hours, each way, if want to drive home for anything. We can always fly, but our fur kids are bad enough in a car, I don't need them terrorizing the people on airplane with their crying and meowing. But, back to family, we won't see them for Christmas, much as we haven't had a Christmas at home since 2014. We're okay with this. We've adapted to life away from family, and what sacrifices that means in terms of the spirit of the holidays. Is it depressing being away from family during the time of year that emphasizes family bonding? At times, yes. Is it also somewhat freeing not having the obligations to attend family event after family event? At times, yes. It's a give and take. Some days we rather like it. Some days we're rather depressed about it. But, back to the story. My husband has been in charge of buying gifts for his family for the last few years-*cough cough* i.e., he doesn't buy gifts for his family because, much like my mother, he hates shopping, and wrapping presents, and shipping presents, and the holiday cards, and the list goes on. This year we'd decided we weren't going to do presents hardly at all, because it all seemed a little obtuse now that our siblings were all grown, some of them with children of their own. As adults, if want anything, we buy it. No one is saving items specifically for their Christmas list unless they're expensive, or they don't really need/want them. And according to lagom, if you don't really need or want the item, why buy it? So, we decided, we were going to do presents for our parents and the kiddos, and that's it. That made our Christmas shopping list decidedly shorter.
On top of that, I asked Jordan about doing a more traditionally Swedish Christmas this year. He agreed after a bit of explanation. The Swedes, being the angels on this Earth that they are, are more about the holiday season than the day of Christmas. So, for example, the Swedish Christmas season starts December 13th- also known as St. Lucia's Day. Everyone will begin decorating then, and you leave your decorations up into January, I believe through Three Kings Day, though I'm recanting this from memory, so that may not be correct. And during this Christmas season, the Swedes go all out with making homemade ornaments, baking goodies for others and themselves, attending community events, spending time with loved ones, etc. The Swedes also open their gifts on Christmas Eve, after watching the somewhat mandatory Donald Duck cartoon that airs throughout the nation at 3pm sharp. Don't ask about the Donald Duck cartoon, no one really knows, but it's a very definitively Swedish Christmas staple.
So, I explained to my husband that I was excited we would be doing more homemade projects and crafts this year, and making this Christmas season more about the season of Christmas, rather than the day of Christmas which invariably turns in to a day of presents and little else. He agreed. So, we had these grand plans of decorating our house with homemade ornaments and garlands, baking cookies and pies, volunteering at soup kitchens or toy drives, etc. And we agreed that, contrary to our childhood, we would open presents on Christmas Eve, I even found the famed Donald Duck cartoon on YouTube to watch. This way, Christmas Day would be a nice relaxing day to spend enjoying, rather than some grand culmination to aspire to, and then be unsure how to follow it up once presents were done. We'd planned to do a nice relaxed breakfast, go see a movie, and presumably go see my uncle that lives half an hour away from us-our only relative in the state. We'd agreed that this sounded magical, compared to the normal hustle and bustle, and somewhat disappointment once gifts were done- that feeling of "now what?" at a ripe 10 am.
And yet, as I woke up this morning, I did my normal morning routine of completing a color by numbers image on my phone. And today the picture was full of credit cards, cash, price tags, etc, with the words "Black Friday" front and center. And for that split second, I thought, hmm, should I? But after looking around online at a few stores, I was already over it. Next, I happened to check Facebook, not a typical choice for me, but one of the first things I see is the picture below with the caption written beneath:
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| Image Credit: Rebel Thriver |
Hello loves, I know today commercialism is king, but I am going to ask you to keep it simple. Remember what is really important to you, and I promise you it isn't going to be anything that you need money for. Stand your ground and don't get swept up in the pull to be a part of the crowd that is running toward the dollar signs. This holiday season has gotten out of hand and people are forgetting what really counts.
Whatever way you like to celebrate Christmas, by all means, do what you do! I just want to try and remind you that Christmas is about so much more than just the presents. And if you're religious, it's especially true! Let this season be the reason you're excited. Not just the actual day of Christmas. Let yourself be present as you decorate the tree, or make freshly baked goodies, because those memories, the events leading up to Christmas, those are the moments you'll remember, not necessarily the presents. Though I do remember being a little kid and getting a stuffed momma dog and pup in a basket that I loved because I SO badly wanted a dog, but we couldn't have one. But beyond that, do I remember specific presents I've gotten? Not really. I can tell you that there are multiple Christmas's I remember feeling unfulfilled after opening presents, that feeling of now what? as I took my horde of presents to my room and got dressed in my new sweater or jeans or boots.
But when I think back on the times spent icing and putting sprinkles on reindeer, snowman, and Santa cookies with my mom, there's never a question of what's next playing in the back of my mind. When I think of decorating the tree with my brothers, I remember my parents carefully handing us ornaments as Christmas music played in the background, while we each planned out what ornament was to go where-so fully in the moment. When I think back to hanging garland and bopping around with a Santa hat on my head while my mom laughs from the window where she's hanging a glass Christmas themed mobile, I never recall being anything but happy. And when I think back to sitting around the tree with my dad, first thing on Christmas morning, waiting for my brothers and mom as we watched the lights twinkling on the wrapping paper and bows. These are the moments that matter.
Don't let yourself get caught up in the consumerism that we've grown accustomed to. You can buy twenty, even fifty, presents for each person in your family if you like, but don't forget to also take time to spend with them this holiday season. I know not everyone shares my lagom philosophy, and that's totally fine! But, the Swedish way, of remembering that this holiday season is about so much more than just the presents? Yeah, I think we could all do with a bit more of that.
So, with that, I wish you a very merry holiday season, and I hope you remember that this season is about so much more than the presents It's about you being present with your loved ones, and making memories that you'll have long after that sweater no longer fits, or that video game becomes obsolete. This season can be filled with magic, without spending a lot. Keep it simple. Embrace your inner Swede and make popsicle stick sled ornaments. Embrace your inner Hufflepuff and snuggle up with a loved one and a cup of hot cocoa as you watch a Disney or holiday movie. Embrace the holiday season as you make memories decorating your house with Christmas music around you.
Keep it simple. I promise, you'll be glad you did.
xoxo
Kayla
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