Find Your Court

Hello Lovelies,

As I sit here, I find myself almost at a loss of what to say, because there are so many things that I want to say.  I'd like to start by that it's almost a form of nostalgia that has me here today writing to you.  My life has both settled and become more complicated.  I find myself putting old demons to bed.  And though they never go away entirely, they are, at least temporarily, put in their place, as I allow peace and light to ensconce my soul and drive their darkness away.

Life

Hello Lovelies,



Sorry, I know it's been awhile and you probably thought I died, or fell of the face of the Earth, or I don't even want to know what you thought haha, but I am here!  And I am sorry for the long wait, but I hope it will be worth it!  So!  How is everyone doing?  I hope everyone is doing well!  My life is as busy, chaotic, crazy, and wackado as ever; but I hope your lives are all going swimmingly!  I am here today to remind you that I am still here, I haven't abandoned you, but life did get in the way a little.

I want to be real with you all, my lovely readers.  I am going to share with you something that very few people outside of my inner circle know, and I hope you'll be kind, but I want you to understand why I sometimes take a bit of a leave of absence and leave you wondering where in the world is Carmen San Diego(please tell me you get that reference!).  So, without further ado: I suffer from depression.  I have suffered on and off for the last 12 years.  I am recently in therapy for it, but that still doesn't mean I have my life figured out.  I am still learning.  I am still growing.  And recently, things at work, things with my therapist, and just life in general, have gotten a little crazy.  And I've been suffering some pretty bad bouts of depression because of those changes.  I felt like I had no right to be here, talking with all your lovely selves, when I can't even keep my own life under control.  Who am I to try and be inspirational when I can't manage to keep myself inspired?  Tons of self destructive thoughts came at me and I couldn't tackle them, and you, unfortunately, suffered as a side effect of my depression.  I would like to think that I am getting back on track and I am getting back to a place of peace and serenity, having regained some of the confidence that I lost when I first started this blog!  So, I don't want to get into my depression and use this as a place to let it out, because this is supposed to be inspiring, and well, talk of depression is the exact opposite.  So, all I want to say is: please, hang in there.  I may go away at times, because my depression gets the better of me, but I will come back.  I just need some time to recuperate and get back to being the person that you all deserve.  And if anyone out there also suffers from depression, I absolutely know where you're at, so feel free to message me and say you need to talk.  I am always here for you my lovely readers.  I hope you know that even though I may be going through a tough time, that doesn't mean I'm not still here for you if you need me.  Just reach out, and I'll be there!  So, I strongly encourage anyone that might be battling with depression to get the help they need, and know that there are plenty of people out there that are fighting the same demons as you.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.  I hide my depression because I don't want people to look at me differently.  But, once I let it out, I wear it as armor, because then it can't be used against me.

Staying Calm

Hello Lovelies,



Sorry for the lack of postings lately, I know that that seems to be a common apology lately, and I am trying to be better about that.  But, the good news is that I'm here now!  So, how is everyone this lovely evening?  I hope that you've had a good day, and if you haven't, please allow this to be a bright point of your day.  Today has been a bit of a weird day for me.  I've had my points where I am feeling great and happy, as well as the points where I am feeling angry, sad, and disappointed.  But, I am feeling pretty happy about now and I'd like to inspire any of you that may be feeling slightly angry, sad, or disappointed to know you can turn your day around.

Shambhala Day 2016

Hello Lovelies,

Happy Shambhala Day to you! If you don't know what Shambhala Day is, it's the Tibetan new year. I know you may be wondering what this has to do with anything, but as a taoist/zen buddhist, Shambhala Day is the equivalent of Christmas in these circles.  It's a major holiday, just like Chinese New Year. So, again, joyous Shambhala Day to you!

This is my first year celebrating Shambhala Day, I've only decidedly been taoist and zen buddhist since the mid-2015. I will by no means speak as though I'm an expert on this today, but from what I gather, it's basically a karmic cleansing and celebration for the new year.  So, typically one would start the day with meditation to center oneself. Then it would be normal to cleanse your house by opening every door, closet, or drawer and burning juniper while doing a simple chant to invite positive spirits and energy; though if you don't know the chant or don't really understand it, you can just think positive thoughts to invite those spirits. Then get ready for your day by dressing up. We want to be excited for this new year, and we want to bring it in with our best foot forward. Next, spend some time reflecting on your life, preferably in nature, and contemplating new choices you can make this year to make it the life you want. You can also do some research about the animal of the year, in this case, the fire monkey. And that's about it, unless you want to head to a shambhala center or buddhist center, where they will undoubtedly have celebrations.

Basically, it's about starting the year off on a good note, clearing out those karmic dust bunnies, and starting the year off with positivity. I'm excited today. I'm happy today. I'm approaching today as a celebration, even though I am going to work in just a bit. I'm going to carry my positivity, and the spirit of shambhala day with me throughout my day. I want my day today to be lived with a peaceful, gentle, and loving heart. That's what will be my guide today. I gave my spare change to a homeless man outside Starbucks this morning for that very reason. I didn't hesitate or really think about it at all, I just knew I had change and I could afford to spare it, so I gave it to him.  It might not make a huge difference for him, or maybe it will, but it didn't hurt me any, and it might help him, so why not? 

It's Shambhala Day, let's spread the love, gentleness, peacefulness, and be kindhearted today. It takes nothing from us, but maybe a moment to rethink our initial reaction, but it helps start our year out on the right foot. Today, if only just for today, let's give today the best version of ourselves. Let's speak a little kinder, love a little harder, spread a little more joy, act a little more gently, etc. We can do this. And let's be excited for this new year!  Let's embrace today as we do Christmas, and treat everyone as we do during the holiday season. Let's start our karma off right. Let's be the best version of ourselves possible. Let's make ourselves, our loved ones, our ancestors, our divine inner being, proud by being the person that makes everyone's day a little brighter just by shining a little brighter ourselves.

As always lovelies, have an amazing day!  You are going to do amazing things, I know it, and I believe in you!  Now let's go enchant the rest of the world!

Xoxo
Kayla