Find Your Court

Hello Lovelies,

As I sit here, I find myself almost at a loss of what to say, because there are so many things that I want to say.  I'd like to start by that it's almost a form of nostalgia that has me here today writing to you.  My life has both settled and become more complicated.  I find myself putting old demons to bed.  And though they never go away entirely, they are, at least temporarily, put in their place, as I allow peace and light to ensconce my soul and drive their darkness away.

Life

Hello Lovelies,



Sorry, I know it's been awhile and you probably thought I died, or fell of the face of the Earth, or I don't even want to know what you thought haha, but I am here!  And I am sorry for the long wait, but I hope it will be worth it!  So!  How is everyone doing?  I hope everyone is doing well!  My life is as busy, chaotic, crazy, and wackado as ever; but I hope your lives are all going swimmingly!  I am here today to remind you that I am still here, I haven't abandoned you, but life did get in the way a little.

I want to be real with you all, my lovely readers.  I am going to share with you something that very few people outside of my inner circle know, and I hope you'll be kind, but I want you to understand why I sometimes take a bit of a leave of absence and leave you wondering where in the world is Carmen San Diego(please tell me you get that reference!).  So, without further ado: I suffer from depression.  I have suffered on and off for the last 12 years.  I am recently in therapy for it, but that still doesn't mean I have my life figured out.  I am still learning.  I am still growing.  And recently, things at work, things with my therapist, and just life in general, have gotten a little crazy.  And I've been suffering some pretty bad bouts of depression because of those changes.  I felt like I had no right to be here, talking with all your lovely selves, when I can't even keep my own life under control.  Who am I to try and be inspirational when I can't manage to keep myself inspired?  Tons of self destructive thoughts came at me and I couldn't tackle them, and you, unfortunately, suffered as a side effect of my depression.  I would like to think that I am getting back on track and I am getting back to a place of peace and serenity, having regained some of the confidence that I lost when I first started this blog!  So, I don't want to get into my depression and use this as a place to let it out, because this is supposed to be inspiring, and well, talk of depression is the exact opposite.  So, all I want to say is: please, hang in there.  I may go away at times, because my depression gets the better of me, but I will come back.  I just need some time to recuperate and get back to being the person that you all deserve.  And if anyone out there also suffers from depression, I absolutely know where you're at, so feel free to message me and say you need to talk.  I am always here for you my lovely readers.  I hope you know that even though I may be going through a tough time, that doesn't mean I'm not still here for you if you need me.  Just reach out, and I'll be there!  So, I strongly encourage anyone that might be battling with depression to get the help they need, and know that there are plenty of people out there that are fighting the same demons as you.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.  I hide my depression because I don't want people to look at me differently.  But, once I let it out, I wear it as armor, because then it can't be used against me.

Good Morning!

Hello Lovelies,



I hope today finds you well!  I just wanted to stop in before I head to work and impart some thoughts with all of you.  So, I read a quote this morning that said "small minds can't comprehend big spirits.  To be great, you have to be willing to be mocked, hated, and misunderstood."  That's something that really resonates within me.  I have made a lot of choices in the last year or so that people don't understand.  I've made decisions that have caused people to view me differently.  I've changed, and some of the people that never really knew me to begin with, feel as though I've become someone worthy of their hate.  Let me tell you, I have not once, not for one millisecond, doubted the actions I've taken.  I know that I am a difficult person to love.  I have a BIG spirit.  I'm not an easy person to figure out, and I know there are plenty of people with similar personalities to mine out there, and I want you to know, you're not alone.  Though people may criticize you, tell you to calm down, tell you to not make so many waves, let me assure you, the moon makes waves all the time, it's okay for you to do the same.  A quote that I quite like says "she was never crazy.  She just didn't let her heart settle in a cage.  She was born wild, and sometimes we need people like her.  For it's the horrors in her heart which cause the flames in ours.  And she was always willing to burn for everything she has ever loved."  Now, if you're like me, this quote will resonate with you.  It takes a special person to understand our big spirits.

Find Your Truth

Hello Lovelies,



I wanted to do a quick check in, say hi, prove to you that I will be better about posting again(post-moving to our new house), and hopefully still be inspiring and uplifting!  So, I wanted to talk about quotes today.  I have a love affair with quotes.  Like seriously, I wonder sometimes how many of my thoughts are actually my thoughts, and how many are quotes and thoughts of other people stitched together to make my "thought".  I think everyone is full of bits and pieces of quotes, song lyrics, idioms, etc, of other people.  It's only natural.  They, and by "they" I mean the big wigs of the scientific community, say we become like the three or five people we spend most of our time with, so there must be some truth being quotes and saying and song lyrics stitched together.