I know it's been forever and a day...and that's because there's always something crazy happening in my life, and today is no different. But the reason I've been inspired to reach out today of all days, because obviously it's been hectic and crazy for the last however long since I last wrote to you, the reason I chose today, or that more specifically, today chose me, was a combination of things, really.
First of all, I've been reading...no, let's be honest, the thing that really started this was feeling like I need to get back to who I am. I feel like when I first got to Washington, life was hectic, but it was pretty good. And I feel like I'd made a lot of progress and I was really becoming the person I wanted to be in terms of being very centered and spiritual, not religious per se, but spiritual. And I feel like my time here in Washington has been not what I expected. It has taken me in a completely different direction, to the point that I feel just like I did when I lived in California; maybe a little bit better, maybe not so angry at the world, but nonetheless, very similar. And I wanted to get back to that place of peace and contentment that I had in my time in Oregon, at the end of my time in Oregon. I won't lie and say that life in Oregon was all sunshine and roses, no life in Oregon was shit show after shit show, but towards the tail of end of it, there was some real progress being made. There were real successes on my end that have been, because they were successful, slightly swept under in the rug in terms of, "Well, we already did that, so moving on, what's next in life?"
Life is a constant state of change and reinterpretation of who you are. I think that I reached a point where I felt like, spiritually I was good. I wasn't depressed, things in life were going better, and I didn't need to focus so much on that, and I guess now, well, I don't like the complacency that I have accepted in its stead. So, that's the big over arching umbrella there in terms of why I am here today. Because through that acknowledgment, that that was happening, I realized if I want that back, that centered, peacefulness, I have to start doing the same things I did then. So, one of those things was: I started reading the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. Well, I started reading it again, because I had already started it, I just didn't finish it. So, yeah, it became, "let's get back into reading that, let's finish that and it's been an excellent book, so I do want to finish it", so here we are! So, yes, I started reading that, a week ago, maybe, and I read this amazing chapter, and it's big magic at work, it truly, truly is. And I think that's why I knew that I needed to read her work, because I started to read it, and it immediately reconciled with points of my own life. So, as I said, I was feeling a little ho-hum about my life, feeling like this isn't exactly the life I wanted, slightly disappointed, so I thought, let me get back to reading self help, spiritual, kind of books, let's focus on what do I want in terms of a career, and take all of that; that personal growth, spiritual growth, and career growth, and tie them all together into one pretty picture...and what does that look like?
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Well, as you lovelies know, I have taken a swing or two at writing, so ideally, my career growth is more in the writing sphere. Spiritual growth, again, as you know, just by virtue of reading here, I am a Tao, which isn't a religion, per se, it's more of a spirituality, a lifestyle choice, a way of thinking, and it's one that deeply resonates within my soul. So, getting back to that, that was what I was hoping for. And then personal growth, well that's why I was reading Elizabeth Gilbert now isn't it? So, I'm reading Big Magic, and literally the second day I read it, she has written a chapter about how she had an idea for a novel, and she did all this research, and she had the green light to do it, and then life got in the way, so she put the project aside, and when she came back to it, two to three years later, she had no drive to finish the novel. In her spirit, in her gut, that novel was gone. It was, as she puts it, it was like a snakeskin: that the more she tried to get that drive and energy back to finish her novel, the faster it fell apart. Because the more she tried to get back into this novel that she was supposed to have written, she found herself dreading it more and more and more, and eventually she said she had to give it up. It had chosen to not be written by her. Big magic is a creative spirit, a living, breathing, creative spirit, that chooses who it enters, and who it leaves. And that novel chose to enter Elizabeth Gilbert, but then also chose to leave her. And, she further goes on to say that she met another author, for the first time, at a lecture, and she fell in love with this author, so she met her after the lecture, and they embraced and kept in touch via pen pal. Then however much longer, a year or so later, that author says to Elizabeth Gilbert, "Well, I'm writing a new book, about..." and it happens to be about the same part of the world as what Elizabeth Gilbert's lost novel was. So Ms. Gilbert says, "Oh no way, I almost wrote a book about that too." So the other author tells Ms. Gilbert to tell her more about her failed novel. So, Elizabeth Gilbert goes into a brief synopsis of what her novel was, and the other author stares at her and says: "You've got to be fucking kidding me." So, Elizabeth says, "Why? What's your novel about?" And she says, "That's exactly my novel." They were 90% identical. The only difference being the year in which the novel was to take place(Ms. Gilbert's being in the 50's, the other author's being modern day), and a few other small pieces changed, but the overarching story remained the exactly the same. So, Elizabeth Gilbert says, that creative spirit, that BIG MAGIC, entered into her, the premise for that book, the inspiration and creative passion for that novel. Then it lay dormant for those two-three years, until she met this other author, and shook her hand, and everything else that transpired, and it left Elizabeth and went into the other author. And the other author took the idea and ran with it, in the way that Elizabeth Gilbert couldn't. So, I read this, and I'm thinking to myself, that's exactly what's happened to me. Well not exactly, I haven't met someone that's had the exact same business plan that I have. But instead that you get creative ideas in your head, and they then fall apart over time, because you don't think it's possible, so you don't even try, and then, you find some new passion, some new creative ideal that's perfect in all the ways the last one wasn't. It was reassuring to hear that it's because the big magic of the universe, that creative, living, spirit has chosen me, and then through my lack of diligence, has left me. So rather than holding onto that snake skin, and hoping and hoping that it will someday come back, I have learned to let the snake skin go because that big magic has found someone else. And maybe it will come back around, but maybe it won't and that's alright. Because it will eventually find capable hands, that will look after it. That kind of personal growth ties directly into my career growth. I'm a writer, and the book that I've been working on, I was feeling like it was a snake skin: I just didn't have it. I was doing all the right things, all the same things, it just wasn't working this time. It's reassuring to know that it's because the magic is just gone. Maybe it will come back around in the form of another idea, but until then, there's no point in beating a dead horse, and trying to make something happen when it just won't.
So, in their own way, career growth and personal growth, in that moment, beautifully intersected, and forged a brilliant star of two of the three things I've trying to make come together to make my life the life that I want. The life that I want, not just one that I settle for, but one that I want. And it at least gives me guidance. It maybe doesn't point me entirely in the right direction. And it maybe doesn't give me a giant neon sign of "Kayla, over here." But, it gives me a direction, and it, at the very most basic direction tells me, "Don't go this way". And that, at times, is equally as valuable as the sign saying, "Kayla, it's this way." So that being said, I felt like it was an epiphany to know that not every idea that comes to you is going to stay. That's alright. But the ones that do cling to you, and that you do get excited about, by George, make them work, do what you must, to make them work.
So, that leads me to career growth number two, which is a small business idea I had while watching Good Witch, of all the shows. It's about this little shop owner, who happens to be a witch, a good witch. And she helps to heal people, and she always has the right thing to give people to make them better. And I thought to myself, "you know, I think I might like to be a little shop owner". And I thought, "you know, I could do that". And when I had this connecting of personal and career growth, I thought, that's it. Because that big magic is still sitting in me, waiting for me to realize it and act on it, about that store front idea. So, that's the one, the seed, that I'm watering and hoping will become a viable career path that will also align with my personal goals and growth of being self sufficient and being a strong person, having my own time to spend with my fur children and being able to feel like I've done something that not everyone has done. But, that aside, the things that I would want to sell also happen to be things that tie into my spiritual growth. So, like I say, being Tao isn't necessarily a religion, it's more a way of life, but selling things that resonate with the Tao point of view and perspective, and the Buddhist point of view and perspective, and even the Hindu point of view and perspective, is what I would love to do. I think that would be a lovely shop. One that I would take pride in. One that I would feel good about, because all of my items would be fair trade. So, I would know I'm making a difference in the lives of artisans across the globe. And in the Tao spectrum of things, realizing that, as chintzy as it sounds, we are all connected; and it's not just we as people, it's we, as the entire universe, are one. We are all one. The same matter that makes up the stars, that makes up the planets, that makes up grass, that makes up what builds your home, also makes up your neighbor, makes up you, makes up your children. We are all one. And what you do to one, you do to all. So, the uplifting of people in distant places that wouldn't otherwise have the means, then in turn, lifts up the people in your community, and that helps spread a circle of light, and life improves. When you look at another, not as another person, but as a reflection of yourself, things start to change. And I think owning a shop, and looking at someone, not as a stranger, but as another version of myself, and saying, "What part of me can I recognize in you?" And acting as the good witch to say, "What would that part of me need? What would that part of me want?" That allows a kind of healing, and a kind of connection and growth that's not otherwise there. Deepak Chopra echoes that exact sentiment, that "through the eyes of compassion and kindness, you look at another person, not as a stranger, but as another version of yourself". Now I know, you'll meet people, that you think, "I want nothing to do with you...I don't want to be like you in any way shape or form". Everyone does, everyone meets those people. But, there are also days that you have a really rough day, and maybe you're not your best self, and wouldn't you like a little compassion, a little kindness, and someone to say "I understand, and rather than me punishing you for having a bad day, let me help you. What can I do to make it better?" That is the kind of attitude that I would like to have in my shop. So that is a huge connection, a huge interlinking between spiritual growth and career growth. To want those two things simultaneously, and have them come together in such a beautiful, meaningful way, that would also tie into that personal growth of: let me be the best version of myself possible...that is the golden ticket. At least for me, it might look completely different for you. But for me, I think that that is the perfect synchronization of personal, spiritual, and career growth, all coming together in a pretty little package with a bow on top.
So, that's enough about me. I just want you to think about what your personal growth looks like. What your spiritual growth looks like. What your career growth looks like. Because I think that there's probably at least one area that you feel like you could use some growth. And maybe if you pour a little bit of thoughtfulness into that area, not only will you have more understanding and better clarity of what you're wanting, but maybe it would completely change the direction in which you want to go. Like I say, personal growth and career growth wanted me to be a writer. And maybe I do still want to be a writer, on the side. But personal, spiritual, and career growth all aligned to say, have a shop that sells things that align with your spirituality, and use that to make meaningful with all of the people that come in. And that, lovelies, is big magic at work. And I believe in it. And I think if you look really hard, at the past decisions you've made, at the creative endeavors that have come to you and have left you, you might agree.
So, that's all I have for today. I hope that you're able to get something out of this. Not just say, yeah yeah yeah, that's nice, yay for you. I hope that you're able to take a little more out of it than that. I hope that it makes a difference for you. And I wish you the best of luck in your introspecting. And I'll see you here next time, which hopefully will be sooner than the time between my last post and this one. I'll work on it. Thank you lovelies!
xoxo
Kayla
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