Tattoos

Hello lovelies,

So glad you came back :) I hope you're enjoying what I have to say so far.  Though let's be honest, clearly you are, or you wouldn't be back, am I right?  Yes, don't lie.  So!  Today, or quite frankly, more like 20 minutes ago, I was thinking about how I sometimes forget who I am, not like I have amnesia or Alzheimers, don't worry, I know you were worried for a second there, but in all seriousness I forget what makes me me.  I hate that.  I hate going about my day and feeling like I'm this shell of myself because I work in customer service, and I'm working long hours(read my last post for more on that.  Oh, and in case you were wondering, I start the new job in 2 weeks.  Wahoo!), so I have to put who I really am on the back burner a little bit.  But, I don't like being the super nice person that everyone feels they can walk all over.

I have one hell of a backbone.  I have gone through a lot in my short 20 some-odd years on this planet.  I will fully admit that I've put myself in many of the positions that have forced me to be strong, but either way, I'm grateful.  My husband has said that one of the things he liked most about me when he met me was that I was sassy and spunky and I didn't take crap from people.  I've always been someone that's not afraid to say what I think, no matter the consequence.  Now, this attitude may have gotten me in a LOT of trouble as of late, but I still don't give a rip.  I am who I am, and you can take it or leave it because I don't really care what you think if you don't like me.  It's taken me this many years to get to a place where I like myself unconditionally, and I've since stopped caring what other people thought of me.  I know a lot of people struggle with having that confidence, and honestly I don't really consider it confidence, I just consider it strength.  I know that I've gone through a lot of crap that most people never do, so I know myself really well.  I've spent a lot of time digging through layer after layer of dirt, sweat, and tears to get to who I am on the inside, and I am the most juxtaposed person you will ever meet.  I am on one hand, super sweet, eager to lend a hand, very attached, etc.  On the other hand, I am a smart-ass, I will argue with you, I'll pick on you, in general, I'll be more a problem child.  These two sides come together to make up me.

I am gaining back the wisdom I had years ago about who I am, and what I'm capable of, and I'm loving it.  I am a lot of things, but if I had to choose one word, I would say I'm a fighter.  I fight for what I believe in, though I'm willing to have my beliefs change with me as I grow and learn.  I fight for my friendships and relationships, once I bond with you, I will do anything I can to keep that relationship.   I fight for the underdog, because I know what it feels like to be on the bottom and have no one believe in you.  I fight for honesty and integrity and being a good person, because, well duh.  And when I say I fight, I mean, I love the quote that if nobody hates you, you're doing something wrong.  I say: make enemies, burn bridges, be unequivocally you, because the people that are going to love you, are going to love you even with your craziness, but the people that aren't really part of your group, and don't really love you, well they won't stick around.  And believe me, it's not easy being this way, because most people don't understand who I am, so they walk away, or treat me like dirt.  It's not easy walking away from those people, because I don't like giving up on people, but once you wrong me, nuh-uh sweetheart, you're done.  I don't have time for part-time people in my life.  Sorry Felicia.

This brings me back to the title of this post, tattoos!  Yay tattoos!  I have a few, but I want more, and I was thinking this evening, I really want to get a few more done soon because I feel like having these symbols that show the different sides to me really helps to show people, immediately, who I am.  I have a heart and a star on my left wrist, and I love them, absolutely, but they're very soft and feminine.  But now, I want a bear and wolf tattoo because my spirit animal is a bear, and my totem animal is a wolf.  So I want both.  Because to me, it's a way of reminding myself, and showing others, "Hey, this is who I am."  When I forget that I'm a badass that doesn't take shit from anyone, I can glance down and see that bear or wolf and remember, "Oh no.  We do things a little differently here.  I don't play that game my friend, go find someone else."  I already see the soft feminine tattoos and think, "Oh, pretty pink fluffy bunnies, hopping through a green grassy meadow."  Not really, but you get the idea.  I want tattoos that represent who I am now, and that's a bear or a wolf.  An animal that is super gentle with those it loves, but vicious when under attack.  Welcome to the story of me.

To me, that's what tattoos are: they're a story.  They show who you were in a perfect snapshot.  For the rest of your life, you have a snippet of that exact day and time of your life, and where you were mentally and emotionally, and to me, that's beautiful.  Nowadays, we're all so into having Facebook and Instagram to capture every moment of our lives and share them, and I think that's part of why tattoos are becoming so mainstream; because they are a way of saving a moment of our lives, permanently into our skin.  And in this world of overexposure, who doesn't want that?  Well, certainly some people don't, but you know what I mean. Anyway, tattoos are important and hold significant value to me.  And I think that sometimes getting a tattoo is a way of healing, and sometimes it's a way of reminding yourself who you are, and sometimes it's just because it's pretty and you're drunk, but in the end, it's the story of your life.  They represent you.  Each tattoo is a snippet of the story of you.

If you have tattoos, feel free to share in the comments and tell me what you have and what it means to you.  If you want a tattoo, tell me that too!  Tattoos are an important turning point in this brave new world we're creating, and I personally, love them and the people who have them all the more for them.  So here's to the brave people who show everyone they meet a slice of who they are by having tattoos.

xoxo
Kayla